On to Chiang Khong…

Today was a great ride to the Laos border, but ended in acrimony between Willi and I….

Great winding road through Teak forests...

It wasn’t one single thing, but an accumulation of events that annoyed me and “got my goat up”… And when my goat gets going…

Well let’s just say the sharp end comes into play…!! And generally stays there until the battlefield has been cleared to my Goat’s satisfaction…!!

It began earlier that morning when Larry informed me that I owed 300 Baht for the driver which Willi had ordered the night before…

Neither Larry nor I had wanted or asked for a driver, and were quite happy to take a Tuk-Tuk into town, which would have cost 60 Baht for the three of us…

It took just five minutes to get where we were going and after that, we never used the Minibus again, each of us making their own way home using a Tuk-Tuk…

Out of respect for Larry, who lives there and was on friendly terms with many of the local populace, I paid up my share of the money with barely an argument, while Willi bitched about the cost and the fact that we hardly used the driver…!! The fact that he was the one responsible for ordering the driver, (without even asking me…!!) seemed to escape him…

Goat 1 : Willi 0

We must have passed half a dozen of these trucks, all carrying shopping baskets...!! Where the hell could they all be going...??

We left the Prince Hotel at about 9.00am… It was boiling hot, and we were both sweating heavily by the time the bikes were loaded… We rode for a distance of precisely 13,3 km, before Willi spotted a 7:11, AND PULLED OVER “FOR SOMETHING TO DRINK”…!!

The fact that there was a Tesco Supermarket just 50 metres from the hotel must have escaped his attention as well… We were still within the outer city limits, chugging through heavy morning traffic, and in my full kit, I could feel rivulets of sweat running down my back…

Nevertheless, I sat in the hot sun, waiting while he made his purchases… I must say that he surprised me when he came out and offered me an iced coffee drink and a wet towel, both of which I was grateful for… While this redeemed him ever so slightly in the Goat’s eyes, the scoreboard still ticked over…

Goat 2 : Willi 0

We headed north for the village of Fang where we planned to spend the night, because Willi had come up with the novel idea of putting our bikes on a boat and drifting down the river to Chiang Rai… He and Larry had made the trip the year before, but not with bikes, and they both had described the trip in glowing terms…

A short distance outside of Chiang Mai, I rode up next to him and told him I was going to ride at 85 km/h and would see him in Fang…

The ride was a great one… I stuck to the speed limit I had set in order not to get too far ahead of Willi, and actually enjoyed the ride, although the road itself was good enough to do at least 120 km/h hour on in most parts…

Rocky outcrops seemed to lunge out of the forests that grew on their slopes...

It wound its way up over mountains and down into cultivated valleys, through extensive Teak plantations, and small towns and villages… Knowing that the ride was going to be over in barely two hours, there was absolutely no stress to arrive at any given point before a given time…

With the Big Fella humming contentedly to himself, we floated through Mae Taeng, passing the turnoff to Pai, famous for the Karen hill tribe, whose women wear layers of brass rings around their necks…

I hoped Willi wouldn't take "Pai" to mean "Cornish Beef" or "Pepper Steak"...!!

We rode along the river valley of Nam Taeng, up to Chiang Dao, where a well visited cave of the same name is located… I enjoyed listening to the noise coming off the tyre each time we leaned into a series of bends, the less-worn edges of the Michelins making a “zinging” noise, which I found not altogether unpleasant…!!

Just outside the village of Mae Khi, I passed a funeral procession… The casket was loaded onto a cart, and was being pulled along by a large group of men… Either the oxen had died, or this was the local custom…!! Not sure which, and seeing the sweating faces of the men, I assumed they would not be in the mood to give me any clarification on the matter…

That makes about "Ten Weddings and a Funeral" by my reckoning...!!

We got to the town of Mae Sun, and then tootled into Fang, about 10 kms due north… Willi had advised that just before I came to the bridge crossing the river Nam Kok, I should look out for a few small shops on the right where the boatmen congregated…

I spotted the bridge just as I entered Fang… It crossed a river that I could have spat across…!! Obviously there had to be another bridge on a much bigger river… I rode on, straight through the centre of the small town, and out onto the country road that led from it… No bridge, and no river… I felt the goat stirring again…

I turned around and rode back through the town, and stopped at a Chevrolet dealership which sported a huge sign that I knew Willi wouldn’t miss, hopped off the bike and called him… He had stopped somewhere for something to eat or drink…

The Goat opened an eye and raised an eyebrow…

This guy is a Tattoo artist, and pulled over to chat while I waited for Willi... He wanted to know why I did not have any tattoos... I promised to get one soon...!!

I had purposefully ridden slowly so that he would (by my account) never be more than about 10 minutes behind me, and he had stopped just 10km short of our destination… I just couldn’t figure out the logic of this…!! Couldn’t the man wait just ten more minutes, and then have the whole afternoon to eat and drink as much as his heart desired…??

I took off my jacket, got out a bottle of water and a banana from my tank bag, and went to sit in the shade of one of the pickups on sale… It was hot…!! Very hot…!!

When Willi finally arrived, I pointed a thumb back over my shoulder at the bridge which was only 100 metres away…

“There isn’t enough water in that river to float a skateboard down…!!” I said…

Willi looked all around us, a worried frown furrowing his brow…

“This doesn’t look like the town we set off from last year…!! I think it must be the one we just came from…” he replied…

Goat 3 : Willi 0

An interesting place to visit judging by the many things to do here...

“Fine f***ing guide you’re turning out to be…!!” was all I could think of saying in response, the sweat running into my eyes and making me blink with the saltiness of it…

I pulled out my map, which showed that the river was nowhere near Fang…

With a sigh that could be heard back in Chiang Mai, I traced my finger along the Burmese border, and saw that the border town of Chiang Khong was about 180 kms away…

“Let’s forget about floating down this non-existent river of yours, and hightail it for the border… We can make it before dark, and even earlier if you don’t cock about…!! There’s no point in staying here…” I informed him…

We rode out of Fang together, and stayed together, passing through the village of Mae Ai and then came to Tha Ton…

"That reminds me," said Willi... "When we gonna have lunch...!!"

“This is it…!! This is it…!!” Willi exclaimed excitedly as we neared a bridge in the centre of town that crossed a wide river…

As he turned off down a small side street that ran parallel to the river, I ran an eye over the banks, and came to the conclusion that this river was too shallow to allow a boat carrying 400 kgs of bike on…

We wasted about ten minutes while Willi argued with the ticket seller, who confirmed my suspicions from the get go…!!

“No, no…!!” she said, “Only small boat can go now… Liver too small… Bike too big…!! Look, only people boat now…!!”. She indicated the few narrow canoe-like craft that lay tied up on the banks…

Still Willi argued…

I looked down onto the flimsy craft below me…

“Would you listen to the woman for a minute…!!” I shouted across to him… “And anyway, we’ll be fishing our bikes out of the river at the first set of rapids we come across…!! Even if the river was full, there’s no way I’m putting a $25 000 bike on a $10.00 canoe…!! F**k that for a lark…!!”

Still Willi argued…

Goat 4 : Willi 0

There was no way we would have got our bikes onto one of these...!! The little barge in the background held some possibilities, but can you imagine spending two days out on the water on that...??

Mae Chan and on to the Laos border was a quicker option than ridng via Chinag Rai...

I've never seen pineapples grown on so steep a slope before...

It was now 2.30pm…

“Let’s get going, we’ve wasted too much time here…!!” I said tapping my watch…

“What about heading for Chiang Rai…??” suggested Willi, we can cross the border tomorrow…

“Bugger Chiang Rai…!!” I said, “We head for Mae Chan, where the road crosses Highway 1… I’ll wait for you at the first big service station…!!”

With that, we set off, and again I rode at a sedate pace, mentally urging Willi on, and hoping we would not come across any distractions on the way…

The road hugged the mountainside, twisting and turning in long, lazy curves...

These trees with their bright yellow blossoms, dot the landscape...

I stopped at Mae Chan as planned, and filled two of my petrol canisters, figuring we could just make it to Chiang Khong about 70 km away…

“You can do it…!!” I told the Big Fella…

“Here we go again…!!” he replied resignedly… “We are standing a metre from the pump…!! Fill me up…!!”

“Button it…!! Don’t you be messing with the Goat too…!!”

He subsided into a sullen silence…

I noticed that we were now in the infamous “Golden Triangle”, an area that overlaps the mountains of four countries, namely Burma, Vietnam, Laos and Thailand…

It has been one of the most extensive opium producing areas in Asia and the world for almost a century… Most of the world’s heroin came from this area until a decade or so ago, when Afghanistan became the world’s largest producer…

But I digress…

I called Willi after 15 minutes to see where he was… He was at a small service station about 2 km down the road, putting oil in the scooter…

The Golden Triangle... I'm gonna need some of that opium to deal with Willi's shenanigans...!!

He arrived a few minutes later, pulled over and went into the little shop attached to the service station to buy something to drink…

The Goat looked up at the scorecard…

Not long now...!! But where the hell has Willi got to...!!

“Let’s hustle…!!” I said, “We can cross the border tonight and find place to stay in Houei Xai… We can get an early start tomorrow morning and try to make Luang Prabang by tomorrow night…!!”

I think the battery on his GPS had died, as his is not attached to his scooter, so we set mine for Chiang Khong, and saw that it predicted an E.T.A. of 5.00pm…

We headed out of Mae Chan together, riding side by side… Once we were out in the countryside, riding through cultivated fields set around mountain outcrops, I shouted across to Willi…

“In 30 km we turn right…!!”

He nodded his understanding and gave me the thumbs up… I assumed he looked at his speedo as well to mark the distance on it…

I rode on ahead and 28 km later stopped to take a photo of a huge gold statue of Buddha… I also figured that this would give Willi a chance to catch up, which he did, far sooner than I expected…

He blew his hooter as he passed me, going like the clappers, if that is a way to describe a scooter doing about 65 km/h…!!

I put the camera away, and two kilometres further on, came to the turnoff… No sign of Willi…

My first view of the mighty Mekong River... And Laos on the far bank... No: 73 on the GBWT...!!

Ordinarily, when you are using somebody else’s GPS to guide you, you would stop at an intersection to wait for them if they happened to be behind you… Not so…??

The term “ordinarily” clearly did not apply to Willi…

Remembering that I had told him to turn right after 30 km, I assumed that he had marked the distance and taken the turnoff… We were running right alongside the Laos border and the road going straight on could only be going as far as some nondescript village… I took the turnoff, believing that I would catch up to him in a few minutes… We were only about half an hour’s ride from the border post at Chiang Khong…

Fifteen kilometres later, with still no sign of Willi, I realized that he must have gone straight on, missing the turnoff…

Goat 5 : Willi 0

Just after 5.00pm, I arrived in Chiang Khong...

I cruised into Chiang Khong, and saw the sign indicating the way to the “port”… It was only then that I realised that this was a river crossing…!!That was a complication we had not planned for… Crossing the border was going to take longer than expected…

It was barely half a kilometre away, and I arrived there at a little after 5.00pm…

I checked with Immigration who advised that border closed at 6.00pm, and the last ferry across the river left shortly before that…

Plenty of time… Willi would have turned around soon after his mistake and should arrive in a few minutes…

At 5.30pm, the officer came across to where I was sitting, and said,

“Give me passport and bike papers… I fill in while you wait for your fliend…!!”

I handed them over and he returned them a few minutes later… I had been “stamped” out of Thailand…

I walked over to the ferry office, and almost bought two tickets to save Willi some time when he arrived…

I explained that I was waiting for a friend on his bike, and asked when the last ferry would be leaving…

I waited for Willi opposite the small Customs and Immigration offices... I sat looking across the Mekong River to the landing ramp in Laos...

“Loading now…!!” she replied, pointing down to the water’s edge where cars were already riding onto the flat-bottomed barge that passed for a ferry… “You go now, or come tomorrow 10 o’crock…!!”

I was torn by indecision… Should I get the Big Fella on board and hope that Willi arrived in the next few minutes, or wait a few minutes and then board with him…

I did what an “ordinary” guy riding with another biker would do…

I waited…

At 5.45pm, the ramps went up and the ferry started across the river to Laos…

Goat 6 : Willi 0

And that was that for the day… To say that I was annoyed was as massive an understatement as you can get…

I went across to explain to Immigration that I was still in the country, despite being stamped out already… The officer conferred with his superior, the pair of them scowling in my direction from time to time…

Eventually he came back to the window…

“Tomollow you come see me at 8 o’crock…!! Only me…!! See…!!”

I rode back into town, and stopped at a coffee shop to try and cool down, mentally and physically…

Then I waited some more at this coffee shop... I had a full-blown case of the mutters...!!

At 6.15pm, while I was working my way through my second mug of iced coffee and my third cigarette, Willi called…

“I’m at the T-junction in town, at the sign saying “Buk Port”… Where must I go…??”

“To hell…!!” was the first thing that came to mind, but I bit my lip and instead said,

“Turn right and ride about 200 metres… I am at the coffee shop on the right… Look for the Big Fella…”

He arrived thirty seconds later, and the first thing he said was,

“What happened to you…?? I rode slowly waiting for you to catch up…!!”

Typical Willi…

The Goat went from 6 to 10 in a flash…!! Game, set and match…!!

“Bullshit…!!” I exploded… “How the f**k is it that I am here before you then when there is only one road in here…?? You took the wrong turn and can’t admit you made a mistake…!! Why the f**k didn’t you wait at the turnoff…?? We missed the ferry when we could have made it easily…!! The next one leaves at 10 am tomorrow, and by the time we are through the border control on the other side, it will be too late to reach Luang Prabang tomorrow…!! Your stupidity has cost us an entire day this time…!!”

That was the shortened version with only a quarter of the colourful language that I actually used…

Instead of admitting he had cocked up, he continued to make excuses which only got my Goat up further…

Again, typical Willi…

“That’s the last time you cock me around, Willi…!! From now on I don’t give a toss what you do… You go your way, and I’ll go mine…!!”

“You do that…!!” he blurted, “It’s too stressful riding with you…!!”

I nearly fell out of my chair at this… After all the times I had waited for him, or stopped when he stopped, regardless of the fact that in 95% of the cases I had no need to stop myself…!!

And that as they say, was that…!!

The Portside Hotel... Great little place to stay and very freindly staff...!!

He got on his scooter and went to look for a hotel… By now it was dark, and I had already earmarked the hotel I was going to stay at… It was only 200 metres away, and once he had gone off in the opposite direction, I went over and checked in…

After unpacking my gear and having a shower, I lay on the bed thinking about the day’s events, and all the other times that Willi had messed me around, like just recently on the ride into Sukhothai…

He seemed to have no concern or thought for the person he was riding with, and I decided that I could not handle that anymore…

I was guilty of doing a similar thing to Allan Karl in Tanzania a few years ago, taking off without looking in my mirrors to see if he was behind me…

I had no idea that when he tried to start his bike, he discovered his battery was dead… I inadvertently left him stranded in the middle of Mikumi National Park, with a herd of elephants all around him…

He had to wait for a passing truck which he flagged down… The occupants push-started him a long way before he got going again…

When he caught up to me in Morogoro an hour later, he was livid…!! I had never seen this happy-go-lucky man so upset…

That day will live with me forever, but I learned from it, and have never been guilty of repeating my error of that day again…

I had no problem with Willi himself… I enjoyed his company when we were off the bikes… We have a similar sense of humour, and have had a lot of fun together, but when we ride, it is as if he is on another planet…

And it’s not about the scooter, because he did the same thing in the Balkans when we were on identical bikes…

As darkness began to cloak the river, I stood on my balcony, and looked down onto the few barges tied up to the river bank below me... We could have been on one of them today, instead, ir would ahve to be tomorrow...

I eventually fell asleep, in a way relieved that I would be riding alone again, without having to concern myself whether Willi was behind me or lying in a ditch somewhere…

I have no problem riding with other bikers, as long as there is always proper communication, and a clear understanding and agreement of what we want to achieve on any given day or particular ride… That is the key to riding in a group… Willi doesn’t have the key…

It was time to take back full control of my ride…

©GBWT 2011